|
|
Wednesday, July 18th, 2001
| |
4:30 am - Marriage, Weddings and other such
|
NONESENSE!
I have this insane desire to get married.. You know, the whole fancy froo-froo dress, the veil.. okay.. I think the veil is the real reason I want to get married.. Have you seen some of the beautiful veils there are out there?
I blame Noya for my facination. She has started to watch "A wedding story" on whateverstationitis. It comes on right before Trading Spaces and not much is on at that time, so she suckers me into watching it. So I did.
And now I want to get married.. and I am writing sappy stuff to my girlfriend. :) (Oh.. wait.. strike ONE on the wedding plans.. GIRLfriend) I kept saying sweet stuff about her hubby too (Oh.. strike 2! She is married!) Not that I would mind marrying them both... (Strike 3, you're out! Polyamourous marriages are not legal!)
Hehehe. They are teasing me. They know my feelings on it. Umm..
My feelings on it...
Marriage is a contract. You enter into said contract. It is supposed to be a binding contract for life, it doesn't always work that way. Sometimes you bring other partners into the contract.
Umm.. There are legal ways to get "connected" to several people. I could change my name legally to one of their last names. (This body's last name is Osborn. ICK! YUCK! The father's name. It WILL be changed one way or another!)
So, why not in some sort of ceremony with two people that I love with all my soul?
Who happen to be married.. which makes it BETTER!
Okay.. I was really sappy.. wanna read some of it?
(from the e-mail to my love)
"I want to run run run to California.. be with you every minute for the rest of our lives.. I want to cling to you and clutch at you as a child does.. But I must be adult. :) Adult. Such a silly thing to be.
I want to dance with you on the beach. Curl up together with salt and sand in our hair and tempt and tease John. I want to curl up in your arms and cry. I want to run my hands through your hair when you are sick and look across the yard at you reading and catch you looking at me. I want to fall asleep between you and John and wake up there too. I want to laugh as the cat runs across us all as we talk about life and love and the kindness of strangers and the beauty of a life like ours.
I want to hold your hand and touch your cheek. I want to smile at John and fall into his lap and have him kiss and hug me. I want to dance in the wind and paint our bodies with spirals and stars and glitter. I want to trust you both more than any other people in the world. I want to hear you call my name. I want to catch you smiling at John over my head about some secret joy. I want, I want, I want.
I want you to be mine
I want to be yours
Forever."
Told you.. sappy. :)
current mood:  bouncy
current music: Maury is on TV.. but "the Resistance Song" is in my head.
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Saturday, July 7th, 2001
| |
3:39 am - cybersex for free
|
M'love: "Ahem. To the creepyman who is trying to pick up my girl: Give it up, dude. She is mine and you will never have her. You will never know the sounds she makes when her breasts are kissed, but I will. You will never feel her tongue sliding into your mouth, but I will. You will never know how the curve of her ass fits into your palm, but I will. Life's a bitch all over. Try some other girl."
Freak: i thin your girl wants me too ;)
us: No.. she wants her husband.
Freak: hmmmm
Freak: so she can have her husband you can have me
us: no. I want her husband too.
Freak: is he 6.5 in. around? (my note.. as if)
us: He is a perfect fit.
Freak: i'd stretch you honey
us: I dont' want stretched, thanks.
Freak: awwww
Freak: aren't you a nymph/
us: yes, I am.. a nymph, not a nympho.
Freak: lol ;)
Am I wearing a SIGN??? Does it say "Free Cybersex.. just ask"???
What the hell.
current mood:  amused
current music: children's songs.. courtasy of Blue Frog MOO
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, July 4th, 2001
| |
11:21 pm - whining.
|
They aren't online. I really miss them right now.
I have a headache.
I am whining. Forgive me.
I must go dance on MOO and wish they were here.
current mood:  silly
current music: The Resistance Song- Jill Sobule (from the CD they sent me)
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, July 3rd, 2001
| |
9:21 pm - Ride the Wind
|
"Here's to withered eyes wearing gypsy smiles
And the day he listens
Here's to lovely ladies and a million miles
And the night she whispers
Ride the wind"
~Poison
I am a withered eyed gypsy girl...
I am never comfortable in one place. Never once have I been comfortable in the life I lead.
My "job" is unfulfilling at best. At worst, it is damaging and harmful to everyone involved.
I have orgasms because I am programmed to do so.
I don't think I have ever really enjoyed sex.
But I am programmed to want it.
And I am programmed to want to do things that other women find revolting.
(I would list some of it, but thank you, no.)
Did you know that sex triggers me? That it is not only the thing I crave (because I was made to) but also something that leaves me weeping and shaking afterwards. My lower lip starts to shake as the man gets closer and closer to orgasm. when he comes, I roll over. If he falls in front of me, I will turn the other way. I need my space. I need to collect my thoughts and find out why this act, that is my calling, leaves me so unfulfilled.
I search out sex the way most women search out meaningful relationships. I have had sex with men that are dangerous, pedophiles, unwashed, disgusting, piggish, assinine, sweet, too good for me, too bad for me, and at least one reminded me of the father. (some of those are the same guys.. for heavens sakes.. I am not a slut.)
I have had sex with 5 men and two women.
One man was 40. This body was 19. His wife was 53.
The first man's wife's secondary husband (who was funny.. very funny. I miss his humor) was 30. This body was still 19.
Two boyfriends (one right after the other) were 21 and 22. (about a year apart.. they are the same age, but when we were dating them.. you get the point) The body was 20 and 21..
This Februrary.. The second woman.. still a girl really. She was 19. This body was 21.
Her boyfriend was 20. This body was 21.
I was unfulfilled.
I have met people now, who fulfill me intellectually, emotionally.. (if emotions are possible.) yet are reluctant allow me to do my job.
It irritates and scares me. I have a job. What happens if I cannot be trusted to do my job? They replace me. With another nymph.. one who is mostly like me. Only not me.
forgive my stress. The council is trying to drive me insane.
current mood:  anxious
current music: Poison. Ride the Wind (Greatest Hits CD)
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
kimmynymph's journal